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Archive for the ‘Marriage’ Category

It is indeed very sad to hear whenever someone has trouble with their marriage. But if someone even bothers to ask the question “How can I save my marriage?” he or she has cleared the first hurdle and on his or her way to make amends. The fact that you are in search of ways and means to save the marriage means you do care and have a wish to do so and anyone can tell that commitment is very much there. And that happens to be the most important starting point.

The professional marriage counselors will tell you that there are a minimum of three effective methods by which you can save the marriage. If you are ready and willing to make a fresh start and begin on the healing process to make your relationship get better and your marriage work, then you and your spouse must be ready to apply these methods. If you ask “How can I save my marriage?”, there are plenty of answers but then you and your spouse must be ready to work towards saving it; it just doesn’t happen by itself.

Among the best three methods to use to save my marriage my spouse and me have to learn to communicate with each other in a better way and also more often. One of the most common causes of marriages breaking down is the shortage of communication between the couple or the communication between them being not proper. Whenever couples might be faced with a problem, some of them might choose not to talk to each other. If you want to save the marriage, such things will not help at all. When faced with problems, the married couple has to talk more, not less or not at all. The communication too has to be at a higher level where there is a lot of sensitivity, sharing as well as listening. Not talking does not help in any way, it only makes things worse. Your best bet to save the marriage is to open up and talk more often.

If you are asked “What else can I do to save my marriage?”, it is choosing to compromise. The things in life are not as important for you as having each other. When you decide to compromise, you will be allowing respect and love for each other to take a higher priority than the problem at hand. Try to be the first one to compromise and you can be sure that you will both meet mid-way. These are some of the simplest methods you can adopt to save the marriage.

If I had problems, I would try to save my marriage by making an effort to display affection and love. Very often you find that marriages break down because the persons involved feel that the other doesn’t care for or love him or her. Immaterial of this issue, each couple should make sure that their spouse feels loved. So you see it is not at all difficult if you are looking to save the marriage.

Here is my marriage advice to all couples: If you want to strengthen your marriage or relationship:

Watch your mouth!

Marriage help: It’s all about the words we choose

There’s an old Bee Gees song that says, “It’s only words, and words are all I have, to take your heart away.” When you and your spouse/partner were first dating, you probably used your words wisely in an effort to win over your mate’s heart. If you did, you must have been mindful of the power of your words-you suddenly became a wordsmith, highly attuned to how your words made your partner smile and laugh and want to hold you tight.

Do you still choose your words wisely while communicating with your partner?

Essential Communication Rules for a Stronger Marriage

Rule 1: Your words have power.

Rule 2: Each and every day you have thousands of words to choose from while communicating with your spouse/partner. So the words that come out of your mouth are only a thin slice of the overall word pie that’s available to you.

Rule 3: The words you select have a profound impact on your marriage or relationship (and on your own experience). Your words are continuously impacting your relationship (even if you’re unaware of it).

Rule 4: Your words are a reflection of what you’re thinking and feeling and your choice of words also shape your experiences.

Rule 5: As your marriage or relationship matures, you might plan less and blurt more. Because you’re not trying to woo your mate any longer, you will probably forget how mindful you used to be when you spoke. Odds are, you’ll start to say whatever comes to mind (expressing your feelings in their rawest form) and not really think about how those words might impact your spouse/partner.

Bring mindfulness back to your communications

“My experience is what I agree to attend to.” ~ William James

This famous quote highlights the selective nature of reality. With regards to a marriage or relationship, some people decide to attend to and focus on the missteps that happened during the day, while others choose to attend to the interactions that showed effort, good intention, and a willingness to move forward. The challenge is to do this even when it feels like the negatives are outweighing the positives.

What you attend to is also reflected in the words you use to describe your spouse/partner (to yourself and others), the feedback you give him/her, and how you speak to your mate in general.

To help you become more mindful of your words and the power they hold in your relationship (and in your life), let’s look at a few different categories that your words can be placed into.

I. Connecting Words (words that enhance intimacy):

-Words that validate and affirm;

-Words that support;

-Words that inform and educate;

-Words that heal (yes, words have the power to heal, just ask any therapist about this).

II. Disconnecting Words (words that undermine intimacy):

-Words that wound and hurt;

-Words that judge;

-Words that minimize and invalidate;

-Words that prioritize the negatives.

So you have the power to use connecting or disconnecting words at any given moment in time, in every interaction that occurs between the two of you. While this can sound daunting, it can also be very empowering.

Action Step:

For a week straight, use only connecting words-no matter what words your spouse/partner (and others in your life) chooses to use.

The goal is to stick to your conviction and remain mindful of what comes out of your mouth, even during times of stress. And if you slip up here or there, be kind to yourself (watch the words you direct at yourself!) and bring yourself back to the goal of mindful communication.

Couples get married every day around the world like clockwork. The wedding industry is very big business. Couples get divorced every day as well and the divorce law industry is big business too.

Of all the things a man and woman can decide to do, marriage is perhaps one of the most difficult. Wait a minute! Getting married is easy. It’s a successful and happy marriage that takes skill, wisdom and practice. And the problem is there’s no school for something that requires more knowledge than flying airplanes; and yet we require proof that someone can fly an airplane. Kind of ironic isn’t it?

Almost half the people who decide to get married will find themselves facing a divorce within five years or less according to current statistics. Although these statistics are alarming, it’s good to note that the divorce rate has declined in the last few years or at least remained stable. One reason might be because of the huge cost of divorce. However, also a main reason for this is that many couples have spurned traditional marriage and elected to live together.

Living together, whether married or not, can be one of the best or worst things you’ll ever do. You enter into the sanctity of marriage or a long term relationship with high hopes of a blissful relationship and the dreams of a beautiful home and family. For many this has become true, but many others have found their dreams shattered.

What makes the difference in the success and failure of a marriage? The reasons are as many as they are varied. Studies of patterns of marriage practice such as those of the Myers-Briggs or the Marriage Blueprint (TM) method yield a lot of answers. Most successful marriages seem to embrace a few key ingredients.

Both must be committed to a making the relationship work. Commitment is a scary word and many people run from the thought of a serious commitment. It conjures thoughts of a ball and chain, a nagging spouse and mounting bills that wait to be paid. But, if you’re to have growth and accomplishments in a marriage, both must be committed to the same values and goals. Some have taught that you can change a marriage all by yourself but no one really believes that.

You’ve heard it before but you must be able to communicate effectively. Communication of course goes on all the time, it’s a human thing that just can’t be bottled up, but effective communication where your message is sent with skill and received with skill is an art and a science.

Effective communication is so important that it cannot be overemphasized. This means not only talking about the happenings of the day at home and work but also sharing private thoughts and feelings. This is crucial for both husband and wife even if it’s hard to do at first. It will become something both of you look forward to if given the chance.

The big secret that many are discovering is that there are just as many men who are entirely capable of communicating about feelings and relationship as there are women, if the methods and styles of communication are slightly altered so that both can participate. Traditional psychotherapy and counseling emphasize methods that tend to be more friendly culturally to women than men, but some new methods are becoming increasingly friendly to both men and women.

Strive to meet each others’ needs both emotional and physical. You must desire to take care of one another in every way. It should be a pleasure and not a chore. Treat your spouse as a friend as well as a lover and provider. Appreciate, admire and respect each other and you’ll find petty annoyances begin to fade in importance quickly.